apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
