that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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