did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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