for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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