then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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