I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
