a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
