i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
