I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
