goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
