I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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