I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
