she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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