i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
