What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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