Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
