..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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