It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You made out with two different species that night
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
