i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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