Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
