i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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