I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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