so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
