i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
