the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
