my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
then he tried to convert me to islam
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
