Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
