And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
