Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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