I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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