im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
