PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
