There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
