My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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