we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
