She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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