never play flip cup with pint glasses
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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