Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
