I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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