Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
