I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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