Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize