I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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