I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
