Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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