today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
