Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
