Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
