Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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