She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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