dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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