Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
