You're my little dorito
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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