Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
