Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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