I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
