the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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