oh god the rape fog is back!
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
