marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
