The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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