I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize