I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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