can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize