We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
